FOR MANNAT

(Who just turned 3!)

You're the 'MANNA' from heaven,
Our precious gift from God, to cherish for all eternity.
The almond eyes, those drooly lips, few precious drops, those love-filled gifts,
Your hold on our hearts, our dreams in your tiny fists!

Our love went out and found you, you came to us with love,
You found our arms wide open, while our hearts soared high above.
My lap is overflowing now, so is my heart and eye,
That you are mine, and I am yours, no destiny can deny.

You shine a beacon on this path, a path so precious and rare,
We've hitched our wagon to this dream, now we feel no fear.
Everything we have is forever yours, and we belong to you,
The arms are strong, the promise is deep, our love everlasting and true.

Your smile quietens the stormy seas, your hands cradle the shore,
Your peace now dwells within us, our souls know now to soar.
Your calm eyes show a promise of strength, your hands reach for the future,
Your wisdom of the ages past, your body is just newer.

So with a smile in your heart and a lilt in your step, you'll go through this journey full of wonder,
The magical carpet will carry you onwards, and you'll grow to be braver and stronger.
The world will cherish your intelligence and strength, and you'll be a beautiful treasure,
The whole world will be at your feet, and your blessings will be beyond measure.

Create your own paths, while following the old,
Always do what is right, and not just what is told,
Be an example, be an inspiration, someone to look up to,
For MANNAT you are, our 'boon' from God, and we'll always be proud of you.

FOR MEHAR

(My son who just turned 6)

You enchant me you intrigue me, you make me, oh! so mad,
But in everything that you do, you are the leading lad!
The sun rushes out to greet you, to take a little brightness from you,
For the brightest shining star in the whole universe is you!

I've had my days of doubt, and I've had my days of pain,
But having you, my baby, has never been in vain!
You've taught me to face life head-on, no matter what happens, just go on!
You've forced me to face my faults, with your entire army of wants,
I've wanted to escape it, but you've taught me, 'Just Do It'!

The charming mischief, the impish smile, that naughty sobriety,
A little bit of this and a whole lot of that, isn't our life filled with variety?!
You laugh, you cry, you jump, you run,
I live a myriad lifetimes, for you it's all just fun!
Each breath I take, you're caught in it, I breathe life that much more,
For you are God's angel sent to me, the one that I adore.

The whole world turns to look at you, your joy and charm abound,
This world spins just to make you go around, this universe is your merry-go-round!
Your conversation flows around us, like falling leaves from trees,
I bend to pick up one of those, I'm covered up to my knees!
Your laughter spreads like wildfire, your mischief makes us sweat,
Our tired eyes adore you, your sleep brings us blessed rest!

Now hush, and listen carefully, to my blessing, my advice -
From the inside nourish the outside, from the outside reap rich rewards,
Heaven and earth are waiting to shower you, with the knowledge you go towards.
Your life will be rich and fulfilling, I see that promise and strength in you,
Our love-filled hearts bless you with happiness, and your troubles will be few.

Let your body and heart grow bigger and stronger, let your mind be a precious gem,
For the world is big and strong, my son, you're just bigger and stronger than them!
So dazzle us with your name, with the light of a million suns,
For MEHAR you are, God's blessing to us, we're a few of the lucky ones!

OUR BODY-THE ONLY PLACE WE EVER LIVE IN!

I had broadly mentioned the various components of physical development, the first being fitness. The word speaks for itself, and the best way to stay healthy is to stay fit. Most of us have the general impression that to stay fit means to eat well. That is only a part of fitness. Regular movement and physical exercise is a basic necessity for children for proper growth. They also need to express their sense of play and to have an outlet for their boundless energy. Physical exercise should be an essential part of a child's routine. They can get it through sports, games, calisthenics, aerobics, yoga, dance, martial arts like kalaripayattu, karate, etc.
Apart from the movement of the body and its limbs, the sense organ development in children is extremely important. Our sense organs include the eyes, ears, nose, skin and tongue. We usually take these for granted and don't really do much to develop these faculties. However, a musician has a finer sense of sound than others, an artist has a keener sense of form, light and texture than others. If we develop our senses to a finer degree, we can have a richer experience of life. It helps to enhance our creativity and we look for ways to improve our surroundings. Through increased sensitivity, we find a greater appreciation as well as need for beauty, sensibility and aesthetics in our lives. Children are already more aware of the sights and sounds around them than us. If we teach our children to be more aware of what they see, hear, smell, taste and touch, we will open out a whole new world to them. This will help them to develop alertness and attention, observation and perception, sensitivity and sensibility. A very deep and great way to help children do this are 'Mindfulness' exercises. This subject will take up the length of a whole article, but here I'll just say that it just means learning the art of living in the present moment, being aware and taking it all in. These are some wonderful and simple techniques which are meant for children and adults alike. More on this later.
Another aspect of fitness that we completely miss or ignore in the growing-up years of our children is physical self-expression. Although we feel proud when our child does something well like dance, or draw, or recite poetry, or sing, but oftentimes, that is the extent of our appreciation or involvement. We just let it be at that, instead of realizing that the child is trying to express himself/herself through these media, and a recognition of talent or expression should lead us to help the child to develop and hone these creative instincts. Physical self-expression is an awareness of and joy in one's body. A child delights in constant movement because it is an expression of their 'self'. This freeing and loosening of the body also leads to an expansion and openness of character and personality. Children explore the world through their body and that is why they are physically more free than us. They should be encouraged to channel this energy into activities such as dance, yoga, drama, gymnastics, etc. which help to develop creative and artistic self-expression. Through free-form movements, children can be encouraged to devise their own natural and creative movements. They can be taught to enjoy movement, to control and develop their body to achieve higher creativity, to feel the rhythm through music, to express imagination and creativity through the outlets like theatre, pantomime, etc. I have often seen even shy and under-confident children just change character when they are doing a creative activity of their liking. The transformation is like magic!
Through physical activities and exercise, children not only learn how to keep their bodies healthy, but they also learn of their own physical potential, and identify their own means of expression. They learn to see the world as an extension of themselves, their senses helping them to develop a kinship with the beauty and sensibilities of the world around them. Their own bodies can then be used as a medium to interact with the world and the more they develop these faculties, the more they will understand the order and beauty of Nature. It brings about a sense be of oneness and belonging with everything and everyone around them, as every physical being has some form of manifestation, and an understanding of one's own physicality can lead to a greater and wider understanding of others'. In my personal experience, I have observed that a lot of people excel in academics and careers, but the ones who stand out or seem more happy and successful than their counterparts always, are the ones who have sports, dance, etc. as a part of their lives. Their personalities seem better-balanced and their lives are more multi-faceted. One such person I have come across is Capt. Sangwan, who is a neighbour and a good friend. What attracts most people to him is his personality, his love of life and a love of physical fitness! He is a Kargil war-hero, has one prosthetic leg, but his never-say-die spirit inspires us all. His love of sports, games, dance, all of this keeps him fit and ready-to-go all the time. Despite his busy work schedule, he finds time to stay fit, and in my opinion, this is the reason he is not only fit in body, but also in mind.
This is the right age, as children, to discover the value of the one and only body we've been given, to be grateful for it, to appreciate it, to love it, to develop it, to nurture it, to realize its full potential, and above all, to always keep it healthy and fit.

'FOOD' FOR THOUGHT

Moving ahead on the topic of 'integrated development, I would now like to touch upon food and nutrition. None of us can survive without the basic necessities of air, water and food, out of which food is the only one which we actually have to make an effort for. If you look closely enough, all the efforts that we ever make in our lives are primarily for food. When we don't have enough, we want to work hard to get enough. When we have too much, we enjoy it to the fullest and sometimes even beyond it! When we have sick people, we want to give them the right kind to make them get better. And when we have children, we promise ourselves we are going to make the best and most available to them, because it is a sign of our love for them. It gives us a purpose, it brings us fulfillment and we can peacefully go to bed at night if our children's stomachs are full! That is the measure we use for ourselves as far as providing for our children is concerned.
And all this is not without a reason. What we put into our bodies has a great impact on us physically, even mentally and emotionally. It affects our nature, personality, thinking, actions, everything. So we need to make ourselves aware, especially for our children's sake, what is good and what is not good, what we absolutely must have and what we should surely avoid.
We hear the words 'balanced diet' thrown around often enough, but what do they really mean? What are the ingredients? Let's find out. Our body needs carbohydrates, proteins, calcium, fats, vitamins, mineral salts, fibre and even water. Carbohydrates are the source of energy. They are essential to keep us energetic and active. Proteins are also absolutely essential. Proteins are turned into amino-acids by our digestive system before they enter our blood. They are necessary for the growth of our body and for repairing injured or worn-out cells. Fat is also a source of energy. Just by avoiding fat, we cannot avoid putting on weight. Carbohydrates and proteins can also turn into fat as they all have the same basic composition. So what is more important is to eat the right kind of foods and in the right amounts. Mineral salts such as iron, calcium, sodium and iodine are necessary for different things. Fibre is for good digestion and skin. Water is required to flush out the waste products and remove the toxins. It is a total cleanser. Eating a balanced diet means choosing a wide variety of foods and drinks from all the food groups. It also means eating certain things in moderation.
Carbohydrates are found in starches, sugars and fibres, Unrefined starchy foods like whole-meal bread, rice and pasta and potatoes in their skin, are considered to be the best as they contain more vitamins and fibre and regulate the release of energy. Refined sugar and products containing it are termed as “empty calories” because they do not contain any nutrients. In contrast, natural sugars present in fruits and vegetables are healthy. These carbohydrates should make up at least 40-50 percent of our diet.
Next on the list are proteins. Milk, milk products, beans, nuts, grains, soy and wheat germ all contain protein. They should account for about 20-30 percent of our diet.
Fats should not be excluded from the diet, only saturated fat, trans fat, cholesterol and refined sugar are to be avoided. Polysaturated fats, which are mainly got from plants, are considered to be more beneficial. Milk, butter, cheese, soy oil, olive oil, all contain fats. Fats should account for at least 30 percent of our diet.
No praise sung about vitamins and proteins can be sufficient. From fighting infection and aiding bone growth, to promoting cell production and boosting the immune system, vitamins are vital for the human body. Vitamin A and Riboflavin are found in milk, butter and vegetables, Thiamin in whole grain nuts and seeds, Niacin is found in milk, Vitamin B6 is found in spinach, broccoli and bananas, Vitamin C is found in green vegetables and citrus fruits, vitamin D is found in milk, Vitamin E is found in vegetables, rice, and bran, and Vitamin K is found in wheat germ, vegetable oil and whole grain bread and cereal.
Minerals like calcium which are necessary for bone growth and healthy teeth, copper which is required for the metabolism of iron, iron itself, magnesium which is involved with the functioning of the nerves and spinal cords, and sodium, potassium, phosphorous and zinc can be found either in milk, grains, vegetables, fruits, cereals, yogurt or wheat germ. Drinking the proverbial 8 glasses a day of water is a must.
Balanced diet also means eating at the right time and not skipping meals. Regular moderate exercise will ensure that you look good and feel good. The balanced diet works best when food is cooked and eaten in a non-stressful environment. All this does not imply that a balanced diet is boring and uninteresting. It only means ensuring that you get the right variety of foods in your diet. An occasional treat can always be on the cards!
Before we get into good eating habits and how to get children to eat everything, I thought we needed to identify what we are aiming for. Once this information seeps through, we can go ahead and devise ways in how to achieve a balanced and healthy diet, and hence, an actual balance in our lives.

INTEGRATED DEVELOPMENT IN CHILDREN - WHAT IT MEANS

I have spoken about the 'integrated' development of a child many times, and I would like to peel off the layers one by one. I say layers, because our 'being' is in layers, and the deeper layers need the most attention. Each layer needs its own food to nourish it, but it needs a step-by-step approach. If our physical, emotional and intellectual layers of the personality work at cross-purposes, they only produce problems, and hence, a 'disintegrated' or 'disharmonious' individual. If we want melody instead of cacophony, we need to start as early with our children as possible. If we think of our own upbringing, most of us were brought up in well-meaning but somehow, imbalanced circumstances. Some households gave too much attention to food and physical health, others only to studies and making the children slog, while many others believed in the philosophy of 'Don't worry, be happy' too much. Others still believed in too much religious activities, while others did not believe much in religion and spirituality at all.
I have hardly come across very well-balanced individuals of my generation, barring a few, and by talking to everyone, I just figured out that whatever the parents were most comfortable with, that was the philosophy followed in most households. The reasons for doing or not doing things were mostly not questioned or bothered with, and things were mostly convenience-based. Which is perhaps a good road to take, till the children grow up and start displaying their own personalities. That is a jolting experience for the parents, feeling more like Dr. Frankenstein, and then the blame-games begin. The society is to be blamed, the school, the education system, the neighbourhood, the children's friends, their parents, the one bad summer holiday, the news on television, the economy, the roadside vendors, the grandparents, you name it, and all of them are to be blamed!! Except the parents of course, because how could they have brought up their children in a way that lacks something! I agree, all parents try to bring up their children to the best of their ability and knowledge, but the lack comes from never thinking about the processes involved right from conception through the growing years of a child.
I call these decisions because everything you adopt or reject, shapes your child's and your life forever. But the process of rejecting and accepting can only come into play when you actually question and consider each preconceived notion and belief you've ever had. So let us all take a decision to start thinking about everything we can possibly do right in the upbringing of our children. And what better time to start than Now?
Let's begin with the physical aspect. We have all been told a million times that 'Health is Wealth', 'A healthy mind only resides in a healthy body', 'Health is more precious than all the gold in the world', etc. A famous Sanskrit saying goes 'Sariram khalu dharmasadhanam' (The body is the means of fulfillment of 'dharma'.) This is absolutely true- without a healthy body, there can be no mental or spiritual growth. This means good health and fitness, including the education, awareness and discipline necessary to achieve it. Most of us take health for granted – we very often assume it to be an absence of illness. In the modern day, even the presence of a few illnesses is not alarming enough for people to change their ways. It is only when we are afflicted by some serious illness, like diabetes, heart problem, blood pressure, etc. that we start to pay attention to our physical condition, diet and exercise.
Childhood is the period of actual physical growth, and the time when great attention and care needs to be taken for the child's growth. All the major and minor organs, the bones, muscles, nervous, circulatory, endocrine, immune and other systems are either growing or getting activated. A child's body is more a trial run for all these systems, and they come into full play as adults. What we put into a child's body is, thus, going to make the adults we are. Parents, schools and educators now have to take a more positive and dynamic approach towards children's health. This implies a discipline of the body that the child has to learn and understand how to use his/her body. A routine must be developed for this purpose, as well as a sense of security and respect for their own bodies. Besides the understanding of health and related aspects, children must also understand the internal working and care of their systems. There should be proper nourishment for the body and a simultaneous education about proper nutrition. Children have to be taught the relationship between their bodies and the environment and society. The major components of Physical Development are: physical fitness, nutrition, hygiene, physical grooming, health education and health assessment. Each of these is a vast subject by itself, and the first aspect, physical fitness, is what I would like to elaborate on next time. Till then, keep writing, take care!

You cannot discover new oceans, unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

You may have discovered by now that I am very fond of quotes by famous people and the not-so-famous people. I like to make a note of it whenever I come across anything interesting like this, while reading something, and then refer to it when I feel the need. So you wonderful people get to read new ones every week! I found the above-mentioned quote very apt for the excitement and adventure that I, along with twenty children and a few adults, had on this weekend gone by. I had mentioned an overnight camping and adventure trip that we were going to take, a few articles back. We went on a trip to Hathipaon (near Mussoorie), where a good friend, Rajeev, has been running an adventure camp for many years. Well, this past weekend was a revelation in many ways, to me as well as the children who went along. It was a trip where the adults went back to being children and the children were almost like adults! The children's ages ranged from 5-16, and each of them surprised me in their own way!
Despite their difference in ages, what was common was that none of them had been on an overnight trip like this without their parents, slept in tents before, taken care of their own belongings and valuables, hiked for so many kilometres (a lot of them uphill!)! They climbed steep rocks, did rappelling, monkey-crawling, walking across rope-bridges, night-walking, finding their way back just with compass directions and a few clues, bird watching, astronomy and star-gazing, tent-pitching,....! It was amazing! Not one of the kids, not even the five-year old, stayed out of any activity! I had expected some falling out, but the children's eagerness, their bravery, confidence and determination to try out new things, was a most welcome surprise! Needless to say, all of us had a great time, some of it hilarious even, when I was up on the rope-bridge, the bridge shaking violently because of my shaky legs! The children had a great laugh at my expense, of course!
I came back from this trip a lot wiser about children, and what they are capable of. And what I also realized that it is we adults, who under-estimate their strength and capacity, be it physical, mental or emotional. There were many scraped knees and arms, but not a word of complaint. There were hungry stomachs and tired limbs, but hardly a sign of discontent. There were disagreements and in-fighting but even more camaraderie and new friendships. The older children automatically kept an eye on the younger ones, while the younger ones managed remarkably to be responsible. My own son, who is just over five, managed to get dressed, sleep in a bag, keep things in his rucksack, not lose anything, all on his own! I was so proud of him and the two other seven-year olds.
The activity where the children were sent off in different teams with only a knowledge of how to read the compass and a few clues, went off remarkably well. The children showed great team-work and determination to win, and took their tasks seriously. It was something to watch! The excitement was palpable and sleep was miles away, even late into the night. And only a few hours of sleep later, (with the dogs and I keeping watch!), they were up with the birds at 5.00 (completely ignoring my groans of dismay!) They ran off into the mountains at that early hour to play hide-and-seek (with me dragging myself along, while the other adults slept!) These children are the same ones who have to be dragged out of their beds at late hours in the morning! This is what they told me themselves, proudly of course!
I am sure that children need to 'leave the shore sometimes to discover new horizons'. If they are taught to be responsible and confident from an early age, they grow up to be strong, dependable and responsible adults. I know of children, who even at the age of 13-14, are pampered to an extent that they find it extremely tough to adjust to new surroundings, having been 'spoon-fed' most of even their adolescent lives. Their parents show fear all the time for their safety and this feeling gets transmitted to them as well, and then they are not able to take on new situations or tough challenges because of their nagging fears. They just watch the world go by, 'sitting at the shore', not taking the plunge. If we want our children to fly high, we have to give them wings. When my son was up on the ropes, my heart was in my mouth, but I had to egg him on to do his best, telling him he could do it, not revealing a tiny bit of my own fear. And he did! As parents, we are allowed to have our fears for our children, it would be most unnatural if we didn't. But these should not hold them back in life, making them fearful and under-confident, feeling they are not good or brave enough.
Our children need to feel our trust and confidence in their capabilities. And we can only show them by letting them 'go' now and then. It could be an 'adventure' in the mountains or in real life. By being overly protective, we rob them of the opportunities of learning during adverse situations. In the background, we are always there to catch them when they fall, but they need to know that we have full faith that they will always succeed at whatever they do. Our faith will make them achieve things that even we have never dreamed of!

Creating a Balance - Integration

The relationship between parent and child is the deepest, most intense and richest in all our human experience. As we watch our children grow from babyhood to adulthood, we experience the full spectrum of emotions, from the heights of joy to the depths of sorrow. Parenthood is so complex and the experiences we have in raising our children can be such a mixed bag. Through this column, my goal is to inspire, motivate, uplift, honour and counsel parents – to allow them to feel good about being parents and to help them know that during the difficult times, they are not alone.
From some of the correspondence that I have received, I have been amazed and touched by the feelings and the range of experiences that people have shared with me. I have heard about their joys, sorrows and complexities, their struggles and triumphs of being a parent, and some heart-felt thank-yous from some people who have been helped encouraged by these articles. In return, I want to extend a warm thank-you of my own to all of you for reading and encouraging me in my endeavour.
In my interactions with most of the readers, I have detected a certain sense of cluelessness about what to do and when, how much and why? Many people are doing things right, but it is more a lop-sided parenting, where few things are being dealt with well, but other very important areas are being neglected. Consequently, we are raising children who excel in some things and lag in others. Their behaviour sometimes even shocks the parents as it is completely unforeseen or unimagined. What I believe is lacking is an 'integration' in their development, which refers to the concerted and simultaneous development of all aspects of a child's personality through education, at home, school or in society. In our ancient treatises on the subject, this kind of development has also been referred to as 'yoga' (this word has many meanings, this being relevant here).
We, as parents, bide our time, letting the child be till he/she starts going to school and can begin 'education'. But education today is treated primarily as a stepping-stone to a vocation or profession, where excellence and achievement are the only benchmarks. It is used only to prepare a child to meet physical needs, and are provided only elementary mental (knowledge-related) skills. But this is completely neglecting the other aspects of an individual's personality. The need for integration is being felt now only because of a serious lack of it.
For example, the mind (the emotional aspect of our mental faculty) and the intellect (the thinking part of our mental faculty), often do not have the same goals or functions. But today's education system treats them on the same level. In fact, most educators are not even aware of the difference. Education has to cater to both these to create a balance in thinking and values. Because the mind seeks pleasure and fulfillment, while the intellect analyzes the consequences and morals of actions. Let us say, a child forgets to do his/her homework, the child often 'feels' that he/she should lie to get out of trouble. At the same time, the child's intellect 'thinks' that he/she should tell the truth and face the consequences. Every time, the mind wins the argument, the intellect is weakened. Over time, such an individual will succumb to all kinds of temptations and ruin his/her life. Bringing about a balance in all these aspects is integration. But our systems are not equipped to deal with this kind of education.
There are four basic aspents of integrated development, physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual development. The physical development includes right diet, personal and ambient cleanliness, adequate exercise and rest, and a disciplined daily routine. The mental and intellectual areas need healthy surroundings and relationships with humans, objects and other beings, knowledge and a love of learning, good, fulfilling and creative thinking, and opportunities where such thoughts may be applied. The spiritual or 'food for the soul' is developing a relationship with God, expanding one's outlook and perspective, embracing and practicing God's qualities of love, compassion and courage, inner cleansing and refinement, and an enquiry into the fundamental questions about life and oneself. If a child is exposed to all of these, he/she benefits in a deep and lasting manner and the larger purpose of education is fulfilled. On the other hand, conflicts in decision-making and wrong judgement are due to these different layers of the personality being at cross-purposes.
During the coming weeks, I would like to go in-depth into each of these aspects, offering practical solutions, with reasons, with the hope that you will find your 'answers' as well as a 'path' in them.
My belief is that we were given our children to be their caregivers and educators, and we have been given the responsibility to help them grow up in the 'image of God Himself'. We have hard work ahead but we have been blessed with loving hearts and hands, which make parenting a joyous task. The seed, which God planted in our hearts, from the moment we conceived our children, is called parenting and as we delve deeper into our roles, every day is a new discovery. We dream dreams and want our children to touch the stars. Can we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to raise them right?