Creating a Balance - Integration

The relationship between parent and child is the deepest, most intense and richest in all our human experience. As we watch our children grow from babyhood to adulthood, we experience the full spectrum of emotions, from the heights of joy to the depths of sorrow. Parenthood is so complex and the experiences we have in raising our children can be such a mixed bag. Through this column, my goal is to inspire, motivate, uplift, honour and counsel parents – to allow them to feel good about being parents and to help them know that during the difficult times, they are not alone.
From some of the correspondence that I have received, I have been amazed and touched by the feelings and the range of experiences that people have shared with me. I have heard about their joys, sorrows and complexities, their struggles and triumphs of being a parent, and some heart-felt thank-yous from some people who have been helped encouraged by these articles. In return, I want to extend a warm thank-you of my own to all of you for reading and encouraging me in my endeavour.
In my interactions with most of the readers, I have detected a certain sense of cluelessness about what to do and when, how much and why? Many people are doing things right, but it is more a lop-sided parenting, where few things are being dealt with well, but other very important areas are being neglected. Consequently, we are raising children who excel in some things and lag in others. Their behaviour sometimes even shocks the parents as it is completely unforeseen or unimagined. What I believe is lacking is an 'integration' in their development, which refers to the concerted and simultaneous development of all aspects of a child's personality through education, at home, school or in society. In our ancient treatises on the subject, this kind of development has also been referred to as 'yoga' (this word has many meanings, this being relevant here).
We, as parents, bide our time, letting the child be till he/she starts going to school and can begin 'education'. But education today is treated primarily as a stepping-stone to a vocation or profession, where excellence and achievement are the only benchmarks. It is used only to prepare a child to meet physical needs, and are provided only elementary mental (knowledge-related) skills. But this is completely neglecting the other aspects of an individual's personality. The need for integration is being felt now only because of a serious lack of it.
For example, the mind (the emotional aspect of our mental faculty) and the intellect (the thinking part of our mental faculty), often do not have the same goals or functions. But today's education system treats them on the same level. In fact, most educators are not even aware of the difference. Education has to cater to both these to create a balance in thinking and values. Because the mind seeks pleasure and fulfillment, while the intellect analyzes the consequences and morals of actions. Let us say, a child forgets to do his/her homework, the child often 'feels' that he/she should lie to get out of trouble. At the same time, the child's intellect 'thinks' that he/she should tell the truth and face the consequences. Every time, the mind wins the argument, the intellect is weakened. Over time, such an individual will succumb to all kinds of temptations and ruin his/her life. Bringing about a balance in all these aspects is integration. But our systems are not equipped to deal with this kind of education.
There are four basic aspents of integrated development, physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual development. The physical development includes right diet, personal and ambient cleanliness, adequate exercise and rest, and a disciplined daily routine. The mental and intellectual areas need healthy surroundings and relationships with humans, objects and other beings, knowledge and a love of learning, good, fulfilling and creative thinking, and opportunities where such thoughts may be applied. The spiritual or 'food for the soul' is developing a relationship with God, expanding one's outlook and perspective, embracing and practicing God's qualities of love, compassion and courage, inner cleansing and refinement, and an enquiry into the fundamental questions about life and oneself. If a child is exposed to all of these, he/she benefits in a deep and lasting manner and the larger purpose of education is fulfilled. On the other hand, conflicts in decision-making and wrong judgement are due to these different layers of the personality being at cross-purposes.
During the coming weeks, I would like to go in-depth into each of these aspects, offering practical solutions, with reasons, with the hope that you will find your 'answers' as well as a 'path' in them.
My belief is that we were given our children to be their caregivers and educators, and we have been given the responsibility to help them grow up in the 'image of God Himself'. We have hard work ahead but we have been blessed with loving hearts and hands, which make parenting a joyous task. The seed, which God planted in our hearts, from the moment we conceived our children, is called parenting and as we delve deeper into our roles, every day is a new discovery. We dream dreams and want our children to touch the stars. Can we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to raise them right?