So why is it we do what we do? What drives us in our life today? I believe that the invisible force of internal drive, activated, is the most powerful thing in the world. I believe emotion is the force of life. All of us have great minds, right? All of us have an amazing ability to think, rationalize. We can make anything happen. A lot of the time, we work in our self-interest, but when emotion comes into it, the way we function changes. We can all think intellectually, but what is it that shapes our ability to do something beyond ourselves?
There's probably two master lessons- one is the science of achievement, where everything that we do has been mastered to an amazing extent, how to take the invisible and make it visible, to take what we're dreaming of and make it happen? Whether it be academics, contribution to society, business, money, whatever it is for us- our body, our family, our religious and spiritual beliefs. But the other lesson of life that is rarely mastered is the art of fulfillment. Because science is easy, we know the codes, the formulae. But when it comes to fulfillment, that's an art. And the reason is, it's about appreciation and it's about contribution.
There are two needs that all of us have. One is the need to grow- and the reason we grow is so we have something to give of value. And the other need we have is to contribute beyond ourselves- because we all know, corny as it may sound, the secret to living is giving. We all know, life's not about me, it's about we. It gives us a purpose, it brings excitement and it makes us feel significant and of value. Any significant contribution needs emotional strength and a dream for ourselves and others. So we need to explore ourselves, the needs, the beliefs, the emotions that are controlling us. Because there's more of us to give, and achieve too, we all want to do it. And secondly, we can appreciate- not just understand, but appreciate what's driving other people. It's the only way our world's going to change.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
I feel as if I'm about to embark on a wondrous journey- one of discovery, soul-searching, change, insight and above all, acceptance. For as parents, we are all on this path- to accept our role as parents, to accept the great reality and responsibility of parenthood, to accept our children for who and what they are, and to accept what our world now looks like since their advent. For it is an advent, an arrival that has been eagerly awaited, even prayed for, something momentous, nothing less than a miracle. On some days we are able to appreciate and be grateful for this miracle, but on most days, we just struggle to comprehend it, all the while trying to right our topsy-turvy world, our messy, chaotic, noisy, but infinitely full lives.
Whenever this fullness, this rich and vibrant feeling touches me, my heart just expands and rushes out to gather into my arms all the love, pride and gratitude that possibly exists in this world, to shower upon my children. The beauty of it we have all felt, when we discovered a growing life inside us, when we held them in our arms for the first time, when we smilingly listened to their garbled 'baby-talk', when we fed them lovingly, watching them grow bigger and stronger right before our very eyes, a silent pledge in our hearts to love, nurture and protect them always. Our eyes and words have admonished them, our hands have spanked and shaken them, but our arms have held tightly their loving weight, our nights have been watchful for those faint sounds, and our hearts have cried in pain when they are hurt. A myriad emotions weave through our lives every day for our children and they have successfully taken over our feelings and thoughts, every waking and sleeping moment, our whole lives.
Parenthood can be a rewarding, fulfilling experience, and brings with it so many fantastic opportunities for growth and change for us. But as parents, we often find ourselves overwhelmed, tense, anxious and more often than not, ill-prepared. When things go wrong, we find ourselves unable to understand where the problems lie, and hence, we cannot find the right solutions. We tend to lose hope, feel disoriented and helpless, and just thrash around in the dark for answers. We just grab the ones we think will work, either some old wives' tales or some new-age techniques. But our lives today are mostly about convenient solutions, ones that 'fit' or require the least amount of time, effort or attention.
But these are the questions and issues we now must look at, in all seriousness and with a discriminating eye. If our homes are not in order, we will not be able to be true to our parental duties. In order to be effective parents, we will first have to re-examine our primary role, duties and responsibilities. We will have to want strongly to be the parents that our children deserve. The core issues that impact us in this are family values, marriage commitment, careers, and relationships with parents, in-laws and friends. Further, our children's formal education, discipline, habits, influence patterns and individual nature will also need to be closely examined.
As parents, our primary role is not to make our children happy. Finding their own happiness is their responsibility. We have to equip them with the necessary tools to be able to do so. If we teach them to be self-reliant, responsible, well-balanced individuals, capable of loving themselves and others, they will truly know the happiness we want for them. The only way to be a parent is to be a parent- to set standards and have expectations, to prepare the children and ourselves for their eventual and imminent independence, and to motivate, inspire and lead our children to find their own place in this world.
I begin this journey, with you as my supporters in this mission, with a strong belief and a positive vision, that we are all in this together. We share the same problems, we worry and hyperventilate over similar issues, our joys and sorrows stem from similar sources but we we also have our own unique circumstances which are different from others'. Nonetheless, the solutions lie in recognizing, accepting and henceforth, charting a path for ourselves. For this, I draw on my own reflections and experiences, which I would like to share in the hope that some, or a lot of you may find useful. I invite and welcome you to share your concerns and experiences.
Whenever this fullness, this rich and vibrant feeling touches me, my heart just expands and rushes out to gather into my arms all the love, pride and gratitude that possibly exists in this world, to shower upon my children. The beauty of it we have all felt, when we discovered a growing life inside us, when we held them in our arms for the first time, when we smilingly listened to their garbled 'baby-talk', when we fed them lovingly, watching them grow bigger and stronger right before our very eyes, a silent pledge in our hearts to love, nurture and protect them always. Our eyes and words have admonished them, our hands have spanked and shaken them, but our arms have held tightly their loving weight, our nights have been watchful for those faint sounds, and our hearts have cried in pain when they are hurt. A myriad emotions weave through our lives every day for our children and they have successfully taken over our feelings and thoughts, every waking and sleeping moment, our whole lives.
Parenthood can be a rewarding, fulfilling experience, and brings with it so many fantastic opportunities for growth and change for us. But as parents, we often find ourselves overwhelmed, tense, anxious and more often than not, ill-prepared. When things go wrong, we find ourselves unable to understand where the problems lie, and hence, we cannot find the right solutions. We tend to lose hope, feel disoriented and helpless, and just thrash around in the dark for answers. We just grab the ones we think will work, either some old wives' tales or some new-age techniques. But our lives today are mostly about convenient solutions, ones that 'fit' or require the least amount of time, effort or attention.
But these are the questions and issues we now must look at, in all seriousness and with a discriminating eye. If our homes are not in order, we will not be able to be true to our parental duties. In order to be effective parents, we will first have to re-examine our primary role, duties and responsibilities. We will have to want strongly to be the parents that our children deserve. The core issues that impact us in this are family values, marriage commitment, careers, and relationships with parents, in-laws and friends. Further, our children's formal education, discipline, habits, influence patterns and individual nature will also need to be closely examined.
As parents, our primary role is not to make our children happy. Finding their own happiness is their responsibility. We have to equip them with the necessary tools to be able to do so. If we teach them to be self-reliant, responsible, well-balanced individuals, capable of loving themselves and others, they will truly know the happiness we want for them. The only way to be a parent is to be a parent- to set standards and have expectations, to prepare the children and ourselves for their eventual and imminent independence, and to motivate, inspire and lead our children to find their own place in this world.
I begin this journey, with you as my supporters in this mission, with a strong belief and a positive vision, that we are all in this together. We share the same problems, we worry and hyperventilate over similar issues, our joys and sorrows stem from similar sources but we we also have our own unique circumstances which are different from others'. Nonetheless, the solutions lie in recognizing, accepting and henceforth, charting a path for ourselves. For this, I draw on my own reflections and experiences, which I would like to share in the hope that some, or a lot of you may find useful. I invite and welcome you to share your concerns and experiences.
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