“Love, compassion, and tolerance are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
These simple words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama hold a world of truth and wisdom for me. More so because every single day of my life as a mother, this is required from me, and often I find myself on the brink of failure. It is so hard to hang on to these finer feelings in the face of tantrums, fighting, whining, diaper changes, sleepless nights, feeding routines, ... I can go on and on. Let me tell you something about myself – well actually, it's everything, because being a parent is my life now! I have three children, aged nine, five and two, (I can see you all just shaking your heads in understanding and sympathy!) Well, I used to feel the same way about myself. But over time,(and lots of reading, workshops and introspection), I have discovered that my children are the greatest source of joy in this world for me, and I want to give myself the opportunity to experience it.
Imagine the confusion a little soul has to experience right from the time of birth! From a warm, safe environment, it is pushed out into a world full of bright lights, strange noises and smells, and sensations of hunger and thirst! From that time onwards to about the age of seven, life is all about adjusting and surviving within the family structure. Their basic needs of food, warmth and security are primary, and if they are met in a loving and kind way, the children feel a sense of belongingness and security. The small baby does not see himself as being separate, but feels the family to be an extension of himself. If we fail to respond to these needs, the world becomes a scary and unpredictable place for our children. They will then tend to see grown-ups, especially parents, as unreliable and not to be trusted!
We want our children to be emotionally strong and independent, but when they cry for prolonged periods, or feel scared in a dark room, or we've been away from them for a long time, our comforting voice and warm embrace can work wonders. They need our hug, our loving touch at such times. Touch is a basic need of all humans, even animals do it naturally. It is form of communication, one that cannot be put into words. As adults, we often want and need to be touched, and couples often complain of neglect in this part of their relationship. Yet, we hold back as parents, afraid to produce a 'softie'. Or sometimes we are just too busy or irritable or simply uncaring. Research has shown that children who are denied physical contact develop slowly at all levels- physical, mental, emotional, even spiritual. This is the reason, many of the ancient and indigenous cultures used the 'kangaroo philosophy'- having their small infants strapped to their mothers' bodies. Touch goes deeper than just a physical sensation. It is a sharing of our energy fields, which brings about a harmony which has profound healing properties. How much stronger it would be coming from a loving parent!
“Breathing in, I know my dear one is in my arms, alive. Breathing out, she is so precious to me.” - Thich Nhat Hanh's 'Hugging Meditation'.