TAKING BACK OUR ROLE

When I was a child, I thought to myself, “I can be a better parent and teacher than the ones I have.” Just to live up to my words has been such an uphill task, I now have a new-found respect and admiration for my parents, my teachers and everyone who is remotely associated with bringing up a child! For haven't we made all efforts to be effective parents? It has become an increasingly difficult struggle and we begin to lose our confidence.
I see a great need for parents to believe in themselves again and we need to learn how to regain our confidence and reclaim our rightful parental role as teachers to our children. For this we have to understand that we have forgotten our primary parental responsibility: It is to teach. We must teach our children not only to read and write, to do math, to pick up after themselves, but also principles and values, like how to respect themselves and others, be polite, responsible and happy.
We usually find ourselves either doing too much or too little for our children, or doing it at the wrong time. Although our intentions are well-meant, those of us who do too much to make life easy for our children, are crippling them by robbing them of the skills they will need to provide for themselves in the real world.We buy them everything they ask for, we do their homework, we give them no responsibility for chores. Then we wonder why they are so unmotivated, unproductive, morose and unhappy.
We profess to them that we have confidence in them, but our actions tell them differently. By doing everything for them, we are unwittingly convincing them that they are not capable enough and that struggle is to be avoided. But it is this struggle to reach goals, and the effort it takes to make dreams come true, is what gives real value to those goals and dreams. We are taking away their right to struggle for and own those rewards. We are turning them into self-indulgent individuals, incapable of taking on the realities of adulthood.
Those of us who do too little for our children also cripple them by robbing them of their childhood. We take away the magic, the wonder and discovery of being a child and force them into taking on adult responsibilities too soon. We are trying to prepare them for a harsh world, but leaving them with no real opportunity to just be children. Physically or emotionally, when we make our children's lives too hard, they want to avoid any other kind of struggle. Even as adults, they continually search for the childhood they never had, and they lose the incentive to struggle or have worthwhile goals and dreams. They are unable to believe in their own possibilities and resign themselves to failure and unhappiness.
Those of us in the third category, who are confused about when and how much to do, need to find the balance between the two. The best of our intentions alone will not raise a child. We need to let the results of our actions be the yardstick for measuring what and how much we need to change to achieve these goals.
But whichever category we find ourselves in, there is hope. But the parent's role is one that must be earned. To earn it, we must actually do the work. We must make the effort to change and practice. Stay positive!