FATHER – A FIGURE OR FOR REAL?

Give him a day for his very own, just one small boy and his Dad alone,
A walk in the woods, a romp in the park, a fishing trip from dawn to dark,
Give the gifts that only you can- the companionship of his old man.
Games are outgrown, and toys decay, but he'll never forget if you “Give him a day”.

Fathers can be the best playmates, 'care bears', funny companions, strong disciplinarians, compassionate listeners – the islands in the storm. Or they can be sulking intruders, aloof onlookers, irregular visitors, hard taskmasters and sometimes almost feudally chauvinistic! Most of the fathers reading this would identify with a few of the traits, most would be somewhere in the middle and some would say, “Well, I'm not like that!” Whatever your analysis, I'm sure your spouses would have something different to say! Anyway, most fathers in their lifetime tend to start from one end and work their way to the other. Kudos! Ajay and I have discovered that Men actually are from Mars while the Women inhabit Venus Most of the time. Of course there are trips to each others planets when we are trying to 'understand the other's point of view', but then we return to familiar territory! Well, all this is fine, but the children can never decide which planet to live on! So, Ajay & I have decided that in matters concerning the children, we'll all come to Planet Parent. How do you like that?!
Well, being a woman and having been brought up on lessons on how to be a 'good' wife and mother, it was comparatively easier for me to adapt to these new roles. Ajay, on the other hand, had never even heard of such things on Mars (well his mother and all lived on the other planet!), so it affected him pretty badly that he would now have to relocate! But to his credit (and my communication skills!), he soon acknowledged that things needed to change, and to his greater credit, he has consistently walked that path for more than eleven years! All in all, we are doing a good job with the children, all because he decided to be the father that they needed, and to restructure his life and priorities according to his status as a parent. A beautiful thing to watch in action! Our experience as parents has shown us that children need that balance of a father's reasoning and logic alongwith a mother's unconditional love, the 'fun' dad alongwith strictness, the fairness alongwith mollycoddling, the 'coolness' alongwith hard work, and the romping around alongwith the soft hugs.
Mothers relate to their children in a more soothing, loving and serious way, while fathers engage in more physically and mentally exciting games which stimulate the children. Mothers love to read aloud and play with toys with the children, whereas fathers have a more jocular and playful approach, thy love to throw the children up in the air and catch them, play pretend games of football and cricket, or just quiz them on spelling over a meal. This non-planned approach is very good for children alongwith the more organized approach of mothers. It keeps them on their toes and helps them to get sharper instincts.
But when it comes to parenting, fathers put on that superior air that says “I handle only important jobs”. They want others to believe that they are on this planet for great things and they would never want to compromise their mission by doing mundane chores like parenting, cooking, cleaning, etc. What they do not realize is that fatherhood is as deeply ingrained in men as motherhood is in women, and so we are again watching a huge wave washing over society, that of men reclaiming their roles in the fatherhood and domestic spheres. It is a welcome revival, as society is again receiving a refreshing balance and chauvinism seems to be on its way out! Most of us believe that God is a 'Father' and He, for sure, does not look down on His parenting duties! Imagine if He did that!
Research and history tells us that maternal dominance in child-rearing is not an age-old practice. Fathers had a huge role in childcare and they were considered very competent and responsible for this role. Most books and manuals on parenting were chiefly written for fathers. There were usually 'farming communities', so fathers were always around. Domestic duties were an integral part of a man's routine. It is only with the onset of the Industrial Revolution around the end of the 19th century that fathers had to move away to industrial towns and cities, hence taking them away from domestic and paternal duties.
So, all you caring and committed fathers out there, I'm convinced that if you are reading this, you are already a 'great' dad, and if you are a bit clueless about what to do, I'd like to help you along, with a few of my own experiences and a lot of pages from my husband, Ajay's Diary!! Till then, take care!