HOME OR CAREER?

Can working mothers be effective parents? Most career women will say, 'Of course'. But if we ask whether children of working mothers feel neglected or lag behind in their work, then the response would be a little cautious. Yet, why do mothers work? Most often, there is no choice as the family's income needs to be supplemented. But issues of self-image, personal satisfaction, social status, creative satisfaction, intelligent pursuits, are also a strong motivating factor in mothers wanting to step out of the 'housewife' role and image. It gives them a sense of purpose and achievement, and since today's women are dynamic, intelligent, strong and talented, they want to explore their own possibilities and realize their potential. This is a wonderful thing after years of oppression, and empowered women are any society's pillars of strength.
The only stumbling block here is that children get neglected in the process. But is this only in the case of working mothers? Are non-working mothers more efficient home-makers and better parents? We cannot generalize on any of these answers because even 'stay-at-home' mothers are sometimes busier than women with jobs, and the children still suffer. I feel what makes the difference is whether or not the parents have the commitment and competence to understand their responsibility and provide children what they need for healthy development. It is the quality of life you live. Whatever you choose, do it with the right intentions and the right reasons. Only when your motives get mixed up, or you lose sight of your vision, then guilt steps in and makes you feel inadequate. You feel guilty about doing injustice to your children, blame yourself for their shortcomings, and then try to cover up your guilt pangs by 'giving in' to their unreasonable demands and tantrums. Well, being out most of the time is bound to have some greater negative effects. We can't 'have our cake and eat it too'!
Guilt is non-productive, instead it is better to get a good analysis on our reasons for working outside the home. Once you decide to work, you need to get off the 'guilt wagon' and just prioritize chores, restructure schedules, assess your strengths and weaknesses, and find practical ways to achieve optimum performance on all fronts. But I suggest you take an honest look, if it is not really necessary to work, and your reasons lean more towards personal satisfaction, then you are conveniently trying to avoid your parental duties. It is not right to have children when we are not able to be good parents. Staying at home may be a compromise, but ceases to be a sacrifice when done out of love and deep commitment. If you decide to have a career, you are a great asset to society, and if you decide to stay at home and raise children, you may be an even greater asset if you do it well.
Balancing homes and careers can be a gruelling process, but with a sincere commitment and a good attitude, we can make it work. Here's what we can do:
The first thing to do would be to create a family support system, where other people like spouse, in-laws and parents can be involved. We work together as a team, pitching in as much as we can. Especially the spouses will need to share chores and responsibilities. The objective is to make the children feel protected and cared for at all times.
It would be good to develop good communication with your seniors in the office, so they are more receptive to your role as a mother, and show consideration about children's illnesses, doctor's appointments, school meetings, etc. This also means that you will need to show great integrity and commitment towards your work as well.
An important, yet sorely neglected, aspect is to stay in good form and health. Constant stress takes its toll on your physical and mental health. Along with periods of rest, 'active' relaxation is highly recommended. It means exercises which actually calm you and build endurance, like walking, cycling, swimming, running, etc. They make you feel good and control the ill-effects of stress. You would do well with yoga and meditation for rejuvenation, and periodic introspection. Sleeping well is an absolute must.
And last but not the least, spend as much time with your children as you possibly can. Getting up early in the morning leaves time for play or checking homework, or just eating breakfast together. You can check in with the children over the phone when they get back from school, reminding them lovingly of their chores, or just saying 'hello'. When you get back home, even if you are tired, you could listen to their day's events and problems, settling disputes and offering advice, just 'being around' as they play or study. Watching television or reading the newspaper takes your attention away from them, so you can do these after the children are in bed. You could eat with them, read to them before bedtime, and send them to bed early. Try not to get office-work back home, it gives you more time with your children and spouse. The priority is to give your time and attention when you are at home. The loving care that only a mother can provide is most essential for their emotional growth.