FATHERS,ATTENTION PLEASE!

Being a father today has moved way beyond the traditional role of provider or dispenser of discipline to be sensitively involved and nurturing. But even the most dedicated of fathers are finding it difficult today because of career constraints, personal lifestyles as well as a lack of rules and guidelines. The role has become more open-ended, thus more confusing, but with courage and commitment, fathers can connect with their children better and have a profound influence on their emotional, social and intellectual development. Mothers and fathers interact with their children in completely unique and different ways; these are not equal or interchangeable. Both kinds of contribution are required for the balanced development of a child.
Let's start at the beginning. Research tells us that fathers who bond with their child right from its conception and birth, tend to be much closer to them throughout the years. If your wife is pregnant, you can spend more time with her. Listening to good music, reading, talking lovingly about the baby, all this results in a relatively stress-free pregnancy and the baby can already get the good vibes! Try to keep office work to a minimum around the time the baby is born, to help your wife prepare both mentally and physically for its arrival (remember your house is going to be a big mess in the first few days!) So being prepared in advance is a great idea. Also take a few days leave after the baby is home, so that you can help your wife, practice parenting skills and overcome your anxieties about handling the wriggling bundle in your arms! Fathers need not be afraid of hurting the baby or making it stop crying, you will soon get the hang of it. The later you start, the longer it'll take to master. Be a part of the process. Your wife and you can make a schedule of the time and duration of your time with the baby and then the growing child. In the child's routine, pick up some activities like playing, singing, reading, bathing, feeding a meal or two, so you have time with the child, and your wife has time to herself or to go out for some fresh air or grocery shopping! You will soon get tuned to your baby's needs, be able to read the signals, and this will build not only your confidence but also your bond with the baby. Mothers should be sensitive here not to criticize the father's style or approach, and handle the issue lovingly and sensitively.
In their growing years, children need different kinds of attention. For example, when they are just learning to walk, they are exploring, so you can assist them by showing them new things, people, trees, houses, insects, different foods on their plate, things to be or not to be touched – the list is endless! A few years later, they get into rough physical games which you can play with them, rolling on the ground or bed, throw and catch, hide and seek, etc. In all these activities, you can have a loving but firm underlying note of discipline. They will soon learn their boundaries and coming from you, they will develop a sense of respect for you. It has been noted that children learn very complex sets of interactive skills from their fathers. Like they 'read' the father's emotions through his facial expressions, tone of voice and body language, and eventually learn to 'listen' to their own emotions. They are able to communicate their emotions better and to understand those of other people. When children are able to have this emotional mastery, they successfully cope with them through various stages of life, manage frustration, become good at problem solving and are more adventurous in their pre-teen and teen years. Till the time they get to their pre-teens, they are very open to physical affection, hugging, cuddling, tickling, etc. So go ahead and indulge with them in these years. You can help them with their homework, their little personal tiffs with friends and siblings. Your bond will become stronger if they see you as loving and reasonable, even while being strict and demanding discipline.
Now, once they get into their pre-teen and teen years, fathers get completely flummoxed as to how to deal with their children. It is a difficult phase of life for them (let us not make this about us!). They go through a whole lot of physical and hormonal changes, leading to emotional and sometimes mental imbalances. Believe me, they are not out to 'get' you, they are just going through a myriad changes, and not knowing how to deal with any of them! My best advice in this stage would be, I hope you've done your work before they reached this stage! If you have provided them with a sense of balance and discipline before their teens, they will somehow keep coming back to it, despite their careening this way and that. If they have always seen you as an interested father, they will listen to a few words of advice (not orders!) from you. It would be a good idea to talk to them offering suggestions, without pressure, about their career choices, their physical changes, their romantic interests, sex issues, etc. Do let them know that you are not being judgemental, just parental. It is highly recommended to visit a good counsellor with your wife on how to impart sex education to your children. Let them also go through career workshops, adventure activities, music classes, supervised get-togethers with friends, etc. All these will help to dissipate negative emotions and give them a sense of freedom. Be sure to talk to them about issues of addiction, drugs and narcotics also, again after talking to a counsellor. At this stage, you will need to understand their frustration and repressed emotions, and be more a friend than a strict father to them. They will surely appreciate this effort throughout their lives.
We will talk about the various growing stages of a child in lots of upcoming issues with reference to both parents, so stay tuned. Be a firm, fair and fun dad!